So here we are one month into my college experience and I've decided to start a blog. I've dedicated this blog to fleshing out ideas I have at this point in my life and sharing anecdotes from all my college misadventures. Whether you have been in college in the past, are in college right now, or have not yet gone to college, read, laugh, and remember. I suppose if I were really diligent I would have started my blog at the beginning of college. However I think there are plenty of reasons why expecting myself to have a)the idea to write this stuff down from day one and b)actually done it were impractical. First, there are a thousand and one things to do the first week and a half after you move in. Secondly, what does a freshman who just moved into college know? Even at one month I still get surprised about what college throws at me. Now at least I have some stories to look back on and go, here I am. Today.
Lets start at the very beginning. I'm talking basic college shenanigans. Nerf guns, hall sports, parties, football games(eh...), RA's, Mercernaries, dorm hall council, junk food, the roommate, and boys. And classes. Homework load: manageable. Professors: cute (well one is, the others... not so much) The schedule: >3 hours everyday.
Fast forward to last night, which is what is really on my mind. Halloween weekend and thus many many parties. My friend and I decided to go to a friend's boyfriend's house party. She went as a 50's housewife, I went as a undercover cop (think Olivia in Law and Order SVU only in leopard print). It was a fun party although I think it's safe to say I wasn't myself. **College lesson: I am still in process of finding myself, don't judge me for what I am today, I will be different tomorrow.
And then my ex texted me. Cue giant nuclear bomb explosion in my brain. It really doesn't matter the history, it just matters that he broke my heart and moved on with his life like nothing happened-- think the song Breakeven by The Script. And I left for college two months later never ever wanting to see or hear from him again. The only thing I could do was pick up the phone and call him. Drunk. It took two months, several hundred miles distance between us, and a few too many shots for him to decide he gave a shit about me. Suffice it to say I would not have it. I called him out on his bullshit over the last several months and told him to call me in a week; if I felt like talking to him I'd answer, if I didn't I wouldn't answer and he was never to try to talk to me again. Now I am left with a week to decide whether or not to pick up the phone.
Here are some of the pro's and con's of answer the phone. Pro's: I can call him out while he's sober and not when he's drunk and will selectively remember last night. I want a chance to hurt him. I know it sounds awful but for months all I have wanted to do to him is permanently physically, mentally, and emotionally break him. Because I feel broken. I want him to hurt like I hurt when I think about him. If I pick up the phone I'll have one more chance to do that. But there are a few con's to picking up the phone: I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he still has an effect on me. I want to rise above him and by not answering I am telling him "you are not worth the effort. You are scum of the earth and you and I know it." And let's face it, he obviously still effects me and if I answer the phone he will be able to speak his peace and knowing him, and knowing how I react to him, he could sweet talk his way out of my bad side.
I was slowly healing. Everyday I stitched up the wounds. And last night it felt like he ripped open all those wounds again. If I answer the phone it will just further delay my healing. I want to move on. I have better things to do with my time then worry about my ex.
The night ended well, so I'm optimistic about my future prospects. :)
So, hello world. I'm alive, I'm in college, and I'm ready for a new adventure.
