I Have No Answers For You: The Life of a Senior in College

Happy Thanksgiving y'all. I hope everyone had a yummy holiday. I hope you piled your plate high with mash potatoes, poured on too much gravy, ate two servings of pie, and had a few too many glasses of champagne. I know did.

In honor of the season of thankfulness, I would like to say "your welcome" to my family for the excellent stuffing and Brussels sprouts I made. Also, the table I set. Setting a table for 22 is no easy task, even if only 18 actually showed up.

On a side note, did you know that Brussel sprouts are actually Brussels sprouts. I guess "Brusselssprouts" is how I've always said them, so it's kind of ambiguous about the "extra" S. This is also not the first time I have been corrected for my language ability. For being, like, a writer there are a lot of words I either make up, misunderstand, misuse, misspell, or simply don't know.

If your family is anything like mine, and your life is anything like mine, you also got asked a lot of questions during family events. I mean, berated and interrogated come to mind but... it's family so it comes with the territory.

As a young member of my family, the older members of my family like to ask me questions at family gatherings. Usually the same questions every time. Here are some classics:

1. How's school? Yeah, well, you know. School's school, ya know. Just taking classes and, like, learning stuff.

2. What're you studying? Oh, well um, I'm studying sociology but I have, like, two minors-- Italian and international studies.

3. And what, you're like a (enter wrong year) now? Um, actually I'm a (enter right year).

4. What do you plan to do once you graduate? That's, yeah, a good question. I think.. yeah, I don't know, really. Just like. Yeah.

5. Do you have a boyfriend up at school? Yeah, no, not really. No, not at all. No.

6. How's Seattle? Like, cold and rainy. Yeah, ugh. Cold.

7. Do you think you'll stay up there once you graduate? Eehhhhhh. Noooooyeahwellnoprobablynot.

8. What do you think about what's happening all over the world, after studying sociology and international studies? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

These are only few questions but they are asked often and sometimes by several different people over the course of one family event. And really, I got nothing. I don't know. I don't know anything. I really have nothing enlightening to say to you about the state of the world or the state of my life or the state of my future that will a) not take more than the 3 minutes we have to talk before being interrupted by someone b) not end with me running from the room and spending the rest of the evening curled in a panic induced fetal position.

I have no answers for you. Really, I know I'm supposed to be the bright future of the world but like my main concern tonight is that the plates are microwave safe so I can heat up my pie, followed by my concern that my wine glass remains within a 2 feet radius of my mouth at all times. That's it. That's where I'm at mentally.

So I have some avoidance tactics that I use, and you may use if your family is asking hard questions during this holiday season.

1. Sip wine. If you are talking to a relative who keeps asking broad and unanswerable questions, sip that wine. Nod and sip and smile and sip and when you are out of wine look bewildered and excuse yourself to refill.

1a. Spill wine. Only if very desperate, like relative brings up ex or moving back in with your parents after graduating. Not recommended for red wine drinkers unless you are very, very desperate. You are trying to escape, not spend the night cleaning the rug.

2. Laugh. I mean, seriously, some of my best avoidance of answering questions is to laugh. What am I doing with my life? AHAAHAAHAHAHA!! ...And then I smile and turn and join a less stressful conversation. Best if used to look nonchalant and not just bat shit crazy. You are going for sardonic, not psychotic.

3. Make shit up. When I was applying for college my mom and I decided to tell people I was interested in mortuary science. We hoped that giving them an answer for the question "What are you interested in studying?" would satisfy them, but that saying mortuary science would stave off follow-up questions. Also there was an appeal in the potential for freaking people out. So go ahead, tell people that you are going into the peace corp, that you want to be a lawyer, that you are going to join a nudist colony in Brazil, that you are applying for a Wall Street job, that you would like to be a player in the WNBA. Who cares, really. And if they've had enough to drink, not only will they not care, they might not even remember. I like to tell every person I talk to something different. That way if they try to corroborate, they won't get anywhere.

4. Change the subject. Do it quickly. You don't want them to get on a roll. The first question answer fast (or don')t but then immediately shift the topic of conversation away from you-- as far as possible-- sometimes literally, I think discussing Pluto's planethood is totally a legitimate conversation.

5. Hang out with the people in your family you know won't ask you anything. Sometimes you have to sit and watch two ten year olds turn your mother's immaculate household into a jungle gym in order to maintain peace of mind. Or hang out in the kitchen with your mom debating the number of garlic cloves needed in a improvised (yet delicious) Brussels sprouts recipe.

There may be no way to avoid all the questions but I've found some of these tactics can help you avoid an existential crisis in the middle of your parent's dining room. And sometimes the existential crisis happens, and when that occurs at least there is plenty of wine and pie around to numb the panic.

Take My Hand

The sun will rise just like any day,
The world will keep on spinning anyway.
I might not even notice when it happens,
When you grab on for the first time.

When I first discover my hand was meant for you.
The lines in my palm will recognize your face
And I will forget the years I spent clasping my hands in fists.

When your heart is heavy, tired, and lonely, take my hand.
When your feet are sore, shuffling in the dust, take my hand.
When your eyes are red, tears blurring your vision, take my hand.

I will walk with you until the end of days.
I will walk with you until the sun forgets to move across the sky.
I will walk with you until the moon falls out of orbit.
Until the stars burn out, until the ocean freezes, until the last wind.

As long as you have my hand in your hand.
I cannot always see you,
I cannot always hear you,
But I know you are there because I feel you.

Do not slip away.
I will always be there
As long as you hold on tight.

I have ten fingers,
Two hands,
One heart,
And they are all for you.

One soul for an infinite love.