Because I Pander to my Audience

For David.

Registration Bastards & (Not So) Quiet Snow Storm

Hi hello hi again. Been meaning to update some things, because boy do I have things to share. I first want to talk about the terror that is registering for classes. It really is a scarring experience. At least here it is. Especially for freshmen, who have the lowest priority for classes. Many people in college have experienced impacted classes. Those classes that everyone wants to take and that everyone seemingly gets to take, except you. That’s how Communication 200 was for me.

Picking your classes is hard enough. You have to make sure they are classes that will get you the credit you need and then make sure they all fit together well. And of course that they are actually classes you want to take. So I had decided on COM 200, SOC 212, and C LIT 251 for next quarter. I got my SOC and C LIT class… Not so much with COM.

The process of registering is ridiculous. The school says that registration opens at 6 AM, but people in the know say it really opens at 5:55. So you set your alarm for 5:30, invariably hit the snooze button several times and by 5:53 are clicking frantically. Except it’s not that easy. The loading bar creeps along the page and all you can think is “sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppp—WAIT WHILE I’M SITTING HERE HELPLESS TO MY SLOWLY LOADING PAGE OTHER PEOPLE WITH BETTER COMPUTERS OR FASTER INTERNET OR NIMBLER FINGERS ARE STEALLING ALL MY CLASSES”. And then the page loads and opps, you don’t have the write quiz section because there is an add code or a schedule conflict or there’s no more room in the class or maybe the teacher doesn’t like you. It doesn’t really matter, because it doesn’t really register in your mind, you are just blindly clicking, absently typing in numbers, words, times, etc. Just trying to get your bastard computer to load the bastard page so you can get your bastard quiz section. Suffice it to say I was sitting in my dark room at 5:58 going “Uhh… BASTARDS…. Ummm… BASTARDS” under my breath. Finally I came to the conclusion that all the COM quiz sections were closed and I signed up for another class.

A class titled Water and Society. Excuse me? Could we name that class any lamer? I don’t think so. But it was a class my roommate was taking and what she explained sounded less lame then the name of the class suggested. So here it was somewhere in the six o’clock hour and I flopped back in bed to dream of water… and society.

The next day was the last day of registration, and I was bolstered by the false hope that more COM 200 quiz sections were to open. So again I was up at 5:55 clicking madly, this time with my roommate who was having the same “Umm… BASTARDS” reaction to registration that I had the morning before. I clicked half-heartedly on all the COM quiz sections, found them all filled by the swifter digits of other students, and crawled back into bed resigned to my fishery and aquatics class.

Most other freshman where mixed in their stories. Some had nice stories of “slaying the beast that is registration” (as my friend put it), others has semi successful stories like me and my roommate and yet others are stuck taking random classes that they didn’t expect because they had no other options. Luckily, next quarter I will have enough credits to be considered sophomore status which means I will be able to register earlier in the registration period.
The other topic of this blog post is about the FREAK snow storm that hit Seattle this week. So Sunday I was surprised to see snowflakes swirling around my head as I headed to Pike’s Place with a friend. We were excited about the crazy (for Seattle) weather, albeit also very cold. The day at Pike’s Place was spent mostly inside and thus mostly we were warm. It was actually a great day. We had great Chinese food, bought vintage wall art, and bought some of the best fruit ever, including giant apples that I’m sure were grown a stone throws away (this is Washington after all). I came back that Sunday, tired but so happy about the weather and my fun day.

Monday I was woken up by my roommate pulling up the blinds and saying “Look outside!!” It was a winter wonderland outside of our dorm. Unlike the day before the snow was sticking on the ground and lacing everything with gorgeous white powder. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten dressed in that many layers so quickly. I didn’t even know what I was wearing, I just was pulling on layer after layer. I don’t run, on principle. But I flew down the stair case and crashed out into the cold at record speeds. I couldn’t get enough of it. I was in awe. I spent several minutes just standing still watching it come down and frost my hat and shoulders.
There are a few times in people’s lives where they fully revert to being a child. For me it seems to happen quite often. But not like this. This was incredible.

My first class was cancelled so I spent the morning watching the snow fall in my dorm and sleeping. The snow was soooo zen… it just put me to sleep. I went to psych with the snow floating down and after class I got chipotle, donated to Red Cross (almost voluntarily) and bought gloves. I came back to the dorms to find all my friends outside romping in the snow. I joined the romping and we had a hilarious time. After we tired ourselves out three of us went to get coffee and to go shopping for some food and other necessities.

The snow makes things so quiet. The city streets of Seattle that are normally so bustly and loud, with the people and cars and such, were muted by a white blanket. Things moved slower, made less noise, were gentler. As cities go, Seattle really isn’t a rough and tumble place but it seemed frozen in time. Frozen just like the sidewalks. As pleasant as the snow is, when it freezes it becomes treacherous.

I am from California, snow is a thing of ski trips and Christmas time movies. It’s a relatively foreign concept to Seattle too, but for me, I had very little resources to deal with frozen sidewalks. Coming home from coffee, I slipped on the icy sidewalks. I wish I could say I ate shit and laughed it off. Not so. I caught myself and twisted my knee in a weird way. Too make a long story short I dislocated my knee and ended up in the hospital for the evening with my roommate. She was my saving grace, really. She took care of me as I went from variations of shock to crying to stony bravery and every reaction in between. I got x-rayed, popped back into place, and prescribed some very strong pain killers (so if none of this makes sense it’s not me, it’s the drugs).

To end this post I will share a short anecdote from my hospital adventure. I was given an IV of something crazy powerful for pain. It hit me surprisingly fast, and I went from talking at my usual fast pace (made faster by adrenaline and my excruciating pain) to a slow slurrrrrr, mid sentence. After that I was wheeled to radiology to get my knee x-rayed. As the radiologist was setting up the machine, he was asking me questions. The last question he had for me was “Is there any chance that you are pregnant?” In my slurry, medicine induced stupor I replied “Nah, my love life isn’t that great…” So that’s my little story. He laughed awkwardly and kind of looked around like he didn’t know how to react. Well, Carey the radiologist man, at least you got your answer.

A Few Odes to Pass the Time

I'll be honest, I've never written an ode. In fact, I had to wikipedia just what an ode implied. I even looked up "famous odes" on google. It seems a bit out of my league to be writing odes, and yet I find my self on the precipice of writing four. That's right, four. I promised my roommate, a guy that lives in my dorm, and the two people I spend all my time with at school that I would write an ode to them.

Ode to My Roommate

Thou art my belov'd roommate, through and through,
Who loves me and my disorganized shoes.
And the fact that I do not make my bed
Doesn't worry your cute little blonde head
You love me when I sleep through my alarm
And don't mind when I nibble on your arm
And even if you do, it doesn't keep
You from laughing when I'm falling asleep
While reading my homework. And you don't mind
If I'm messy or I'm absentminded.

You are organized and very pretty
But even though that's true, you aren't petty.
Petty and pretty don't rhyme but that's okay,
Because I know that you'll love me anyway.
You might think this ode is ridiculous
I want you to know that is obvious.
Odes are generally pretentious
Absolutely nothing rhymes with pretentious.
This ode is almost done which is helpful
Because I am done. I love you Ribbit.


Ode To the Caveman

You said you did not read my lovely blog
So I told you I would write you an ode
You live in the basement which really sucks.
I think that if I lived there I'd say "shucks"
Because it is kinda creepy down there
But you have good qualities like nice hair,
A funny sense of humor, and cute sweaters.
You give me Kit-Kats which makes you better
You eat goldfish crackers and kudos bars
I would be surprised if you were from Mars.

There is one thing about you however
I think could definitely be better.
Which that that you always seem to disappear
Which everyone in the dorm thinks is queer.
How many bank statements can one man file?
Just how many buses can one guy catch?
Is going home really that cool? Or Sequim?
Or your sisters apartment? Or your friends?
You seem very busy, but when you aren't
And have time to spare, you spend it with us.


Ode to Sexless in Seattle

You have very hilarious stories
Lunches with you are never a bore
We always complain about the weather
One could say we are birds of a feather
You are a bit of a klutz sometimes
But it is endearing and so am I
You're a vital part of the collective
Sometimes our conversations get sensitive.
We are always understanding of you
My day would not be the same without you.

You seem to be in a weird dilemma
One that I have never encountered
But I think everything will be okay.
I mean after all you are lady
You deserve the very best from your man
And I think at some point you can request
That this lull end. Until then, let him settle
Into home, you, and his new found libido.
Things will get better, until then I know
Firefox is sometimes good for that problem.


Ode to Celibate in Seattle

I know that you probably won't read this
Because it is too technological
But I am writing this ode to you cuz
I think you deserve one. You are very
Brave to claim yourself a celibate.
Even if you are lying or don't think
You can do it, you have admirable
Intentions by at least trying... I guess...
If at some point you will break your promise
It will be because you met someone
They will have to be very special
If you're lucky it will be your true love.

You have had a lot of ups and downs in love
And maybe lately, more ups then downs but
I know things will pick up eventually
You may be celibate, but someday,
Someone, will come along that changes that
If you've noticed, my rhyming has stopped.
I found your ode to be hard to rhyme.
I think it's because your ode is serious
And that I have run out of rhyming words.
Odes are harder to write then you'd think.

Those are my odes. I hope they were.... Ah, fuck it, I don't know what they were.... I hope you liked them. I guess.

Love's Labour's Lost

Hmmm... Here we are again ladies and gents. Let's have a quick catch up. I did indeed go home last weekend for a breather. It was exactly what I needed. ***College Quick Tip: It's okay to be homesick and need to go home. You're taking a huge leap by moving out and going to far off places. Needing to have your mommy and daddy dote on you for a few days isn't something to be ashamed of. And chances are a little bit of them miss making your favorite meal for you.

I came back on Monday and things had settled. I could tell people were still very sensitive, and I am treading softly around the dorms. This week was productive. I went on a really nice date, partied with the girls, and (hopefully) did well on a midterm. So now y'all have an update.

Last weekend, as expected, My Ex called. The drunk dial one that I told to call me in a week. Well last weekend, while I was home (not that he knew that), he called me. Four times. Twice on Saturday, the day I had specified, and twice on Sunday, just to make sure I really wasn't going to answer. The fourth time he called he left a voice mail. I told myself I would not listen to it. I lied. I listened to it with my roommate on Monday.

I keep telling myself I hate him, but every time I say it, it sounds more forced. What is SO wrong about My Ex is that he was the closest I ever got to Mr. Right. He was SO not Mr. Right in hindsight, but I can't deny that I once loved him. I'll admit, maybe a bit grudgingly, that I fantasized about little half Armenian prematurely balding babies running around. Or watching us growing old together. I'm not that kind of girl. I didn't used think like that.

So many things were wrong with that relationship. So many. And I'm trying to decide how to... share with out just bitching it out. Okay, cryptic explanation: He hurt me and I forgave him. Then he broke my heart. Then I... I sacrificed my dignity, my self respect, my innocence and my heart for a man who told me point blank he didn't love me. I sacrificed those things AFTER he told me he didn't love me.

I told myself I had to take what I got. That beggars can't be choosers. If this is what I had to do, who I had to be, to be with him, even if I knew it meant nothing, I would do it.

THAT'S why I hate him. Not because of what he ever did to me. Because when I try to explain what happened I realize I'm not the only girl that has been screwed by a guy. I've realized, it's not what he did, but what he made me do. I negotiated my happiness, my morals, my well-being for a man who I had to hope would call me first.

When I finally realized that I didn't want a man who called me first, but that I wanted a man that called my only, it was too late. I was ripped to shreds. I didn't want love, I didn't want him, I didn't want little balding half Armenians, I didn't want to go on living what I had created.

I needed out and when I told him, he laughed and accepted it. He moved on. And even though I ended it, I felt no closure. I felt no satisfaction. I felt nothing. I felt numb. Like I was watching myself live my life, and I felt like screaming "You are so much better! You screwed up kid, but you are still so much better then this!".

So all these feelings I've repressed came out this week. I could've picked up the phone. Some might say that it would've given me the closure I needed. But I created my own closure. I spent months telling myself I hated My Ex and eventually the numbness turned into anger and I can work with that, that's an emotion with substance. Maybe in six months, maybe in a year, maybe in ten years I'll want to talk to My Ex. But right now I need to protect myself. Because I know what I felt for My Ex six months ago didn't just evaporate. I still need time to readjust.

Last week I went on a date. This week went on a date. Both were nice and both were fun. Nothing is going to come of either of them... The first guy was super nice and I thought things went really well. But he never called. I finally couldn't take it anymore, and hey we're all equals here, so I texted him to see how he was (super non-chalant). He told me he was already seeing someone else. Poop. So maybe a really great friendship will come out of that... Or maybe he just won't ever call me again. I hate being a girl.

This week's guy was also really nice. He had really good intentions. Ugh that sounds awful. He's not my type. Fuck, that's not any better. It's not him it was me. Jeezzzz... I'm such a bitch. Truth be told it was probably the best, most legitimate date I've ever been on. Like we're talking candle lit restaurant, appetizers, gourmet chocolates for dessert and I cringe at the thought of how much dough he dropped to take me out. He's just a kid after all, he doesn't shit cash for chrissakes... Crap, this is not making me feel any better. Okay so why is nothing coming from what I have described as a great date? I have no idea. Lies. I totally know. How do I put this?...

My cursor has been blinking in the same spot for five minutes and the only thing I can think to write is "I'm such a bitch".

He was very attached. I met him last Monday, we went out this Tuesday and I just got that clingy vibe. I told myself clingy was different, not bad. But the warning signs were there and I couldn't ignore that gnawing in my stomach when they appeared. He was so nice, and any other girl would've loved it; loved the attention.

Here's how my friend explained it to me to make sense of why I couldn't dig on this guy. I'm a sloth. I'm very attached myself. I need to find a tree that I will hang out with, and I won't ever need to leave that tree because he'll have everything I need; food, shelter, love and everything else. It will be me the sloth and my man the tree and we will be happy just the two of us. The guy I went on a date with is a sloth. He needs someone else, someone tree-like. We sloths can't hang out together because we'd just cling to each other and like fall into a swam and drown or something (it's a metaphor, people, go with it). So nothing is really wrong with either of us, we just are two incompatible sloths.

That makes me feel better about everything. All my Love's Labour's Lost. Mine, and everyone else's. Go and find your sloth/tree and it'll all work out for the best. As for me. I'm tree hunting and trying to get out of my funk. I'd like to say that everyday gets a little bit better, but it's more like I have my good days and my bad days.

The Honeymoon is Over

First day of college: Met my roommate, met my neighbors, met some people on other floors, and for the most part my first impressions of the people I would be living with for the next year were positive. 

First week after move in: Met even more people, even people outside of my dorm. Dorm friends becoming closer and a core group is developing.

First month after move in: Finding out peoples quirks, friendships becoming stronger, people understanding each other better.

This week: Shit just went and hit the fan. Nuff said. 

The honeymoon is over. We are all realizing very rapidly that a) we have to live with each other 24/7, b) there is no escape, and c) we all have our differences.  Differences in morals, differences in opinion, differences in background, etc have all come together and exploded like a smoke bomb-- there is no escape from it's reaches. Tension is literally taking over. 

Everyone has taken issue with everyone else, everyone is on everyone else's side, everyone is fed up and frustrated. And people are NOT coping with it well. I am not coping with it well. 

I'm not into drama, but I'm too invested in my relationships with others and their relationships with each other in a way that always drags me into the drama. Today's drama really has nothing to do with me directly but I'm still upset about it. I'm still affected. Because I still have to live with these crazy mutha fuckas. So I'm pissed. 

I'm not used to fighting with my peers. I mean I fought with my two best friends but our love was so intense that I knew i could have sold them into white slavery and I know they'd still love me, and the feeling is mutual. But I didn't fight with peers or with vague friends. And I have no siblings so fighting with peers I have to live with is also a foreign concept. 

Home is supposed to be the place where you escape. It's supposed to feel safe. It's supposed to make you feel... at home. I don't feel that way with these people I met a little over a month ago. I feel like every time I walk into my dorm I have to be on my guard. I wake up self conscious and I go to bed self conscious. I cannot leave my room without feeling secret eyes staring, judging, figuring... 

I want to be home in my parents house so I can not make my bed. So I can burp and no get flushed. So I can put on deodorant without hiding behind my closet door. So I can chill out and watch tv or read with out being questioned or judged. 

I'm a homebody with no home. With no where to go. And I like being solitary and that's never possible. From the time I wake up until the time I go to bed, I am bombarded with people. 

It's been a bad day. A bad few days. I guess that's what happens when the honeymoon is over.

Dirty Hipsters/ Open Mic Night

Bad news people. I think I'm turning into (or already am) a dirty hipster. I mean, yikes. Since I've gotten to college, I have been bombarded by hipsters. I have also been bombarded by negativity towards hipsters. Now, I have never really heard of hipsters before. When my roommate explained to me what a hipster is, I'll be honest, part of me was like, "yeahhh... I don't see the issue". Maybe it's because I have inadvertently spent my entire life surrounded by hipsters. I called them hippies because, well, San Francisco's full of them. Apparently I was deluded in my concept of hipsters. It has become painfully apparent that you don't want to be a hipster. And here I am rocking a pixie cut, pea-coats, scarves, skinny jeans, and even a certain sarcasm/cynicism. Apparently these are some of the key symptoms of hipsterism.

Today kind of sealed the deal. Not only did I go to a cafe and drink a latte but I attended the cafe's open mic night. And the worst (or best?) part of it all was I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I had to keep my hands firmly in my pockets to keep from snapping during the poetry. So deep. So hipster. I even bought a button. I was so taken by the concept. It's going to become a weekly tradition and I am going to slowly get up my courage to participate.

I was very inspired. But I don't know what I'd do. I can't sing, I can't play an instrument, I ain't too good at poetry (unless it has silly rhymes), and I don't know if my fictional prose would be... up to par. I am intensely self conscious,especially in regards to my writing, which slowly is being rectified through this blog. I could just talk, I could do stand up comedy probably, I could rant. I'm good at that, I think. I have things to say, but am not creative enough to perform ideas via song or poetry. I like direct communication. I also don't know if that's what they want for the open mic night. A prerequisite might be that you have to be artistic in your presentation of material, in which case, my pontification won't be appreciated. I wanna go up, speak my peace and get off the stage.

Eh. We'll see. Maybe I'll whip out something witty and wise and be able to poetry-ize it. I certainly won't be singing in public anytime soon.

Thinking of things that make me anti-hipster....
-My favorite musician is Billy Joel
-I don't hate materialism. I know this because I couldn't live with out my computer, iPhone, or Steve Madden shoes
-I like being happy, and only sardonic in moderation
-I show my emotions
-I actually like my friends
-I shower
-I don't have excessive piercings or any tattoos
-I don't really listen to contemporary alternative music, Vampire Weekend aside.
-I like reading tabloids
-I have faith in humanity
-I really really love school and have ambitions
-I don't wear beanies, glasses that I don't need, or excessive layers
-I don't resent my family or childhood
-I recognize how dumb hipsters are
...There must be more... Oh well, that's extensive enough for me to know I'm not completely hopeless...

College is Well... One of Those Things...

There are some days (especially in Seattle) where you just sit in coffee shops and talk all day. Or if you’re my friend and I, you sit in coffee shops and take photos on Mac photo booth all day. College is a lot of intellectual intercourse, both in and outside of class. College is one of those times in your life where no matter who you are, you are interesting. It doesn’t matter if you wear all orange every day (true story), or dress like a hipster but aren’t actually one, or spend an hour expounding on mitochondria with someone. It doesn’t matter, you are interesting. You are constantly bombarded by stimulating events and people. We are all figuring our shit out, or maybe if you’re lucky you’ve already figured your shit out (but I have my doubts). I mean, I’d like to think I have some sense of self-awareness but that doesn’t mean I can t tell you what I want out of my life. Much less out of my college experience. If you don’t know who you are, like me, then my best advice is to do what makes you happy. Don’t think about what you should do. Work hard in whatever direction you can, and where ever that takes you, it won’t ever be a bad place. I am a freshman after all. I can’t be expected to have all the answers.

If you do in fact know—or think you know—what you want to do when/if you grow up then mazel tov. I can personally think of only a handful who I know who know what they want in life, my roommate being one of them. She loves belugas—to an extent that often is a bit concerning, if not extraordinarily endearing. But besides a slightly obsessive tendency towards anything whale, she knows what she wants to do with her life.

There are plenty however who have no idea what they want, myself included. One of my best friends back home has gone through countless life ambitions ranging from running a fat camp in the Sierra Nevada Mountains to starting a commune in Australia to being a flight attendant. For all intents and purposes it changes daily. Yesterday I found out she got offered an awesome opportunity to study at a really great school and wants to take it. But life ain’t perfect and there are always going to be obstacles. Unfortunately for my friend, she has been blessed with some epic complications. Financial issues and a worry over leaving her awesome boyfriend (among other things) have made her hesitate about jumping for joy about leaving home. If college wasn’t about getting out of your comfort zone I would worry about her. But I’m not worried about her, she has amazing potential, and she will be happy even if it’s a scary prospect to venture forth into the future.

Then there’s me. Ha. My future; I guess it looks pretty bleak given that it has really… nothing planned for it. I think it’d be safe to say that my future is a constant distraction for me. I think A LOT about my life; about what my life is going to be. I want it to be grand. Grand. That’s the best word for it. Big and bold and important and Grand. I want to go places, even if that’s more figuratively then literally. But I feel like you have to find that one thing you are best at. Your calling as it were. I need to find a calling. Then I have to perfect it. That’s like… a lot of pressure for a young person. With millions of life paths, how am I to know which one is best for me? Ack! Is that even possible? I don’t want to waste this one life I have on something half-ass. Something I’m mediocre at, that I like in moderation, and am f.i.n.e. with. I don’t want to be fine. I want to be grand. I throw myself in so many directions, I get lost in a sea of potential. I think and think and think about a thousand things at once but I can’t focus on any one thing; any one goal.

I don’t know what I am. I know what I am not. But knowing what I’m not is only indirectly helpful in figuring out what I am. But I have faith in my ability to fulfill my individual needs. I know myself well enough to take care of myself. I’m independent and I’m not one to give in to pressure. I’m stubborn, I don’t settle, so even if I don’t know what I’ll do yet, I will fight to figure it out. I’m not going to sit back and watch life float by.

Unspoken Rules

I have noticed that growing up consists of many unspoken rules. Here are some that I've learned recently.

1. Wash your dishes regularly. This seems like common sense, but when you're washing for one it's easy to say, "I'll wait until I have a few more dishes and wash them all at once, instead of washing one or two a day." That system would work really well if a funny thing called mold didn't exist. Here's how I know I've waited too long to do my dishes: If what was once in there is now unrecognizable as a food substance. If looking into that bowl on your desk, you cannot remember what you were eating that made that kind of rancid crust around the edge, you have waited too long. I promise you it is much less pleasant to spend 30 minutes washing dishes with unrecognizable rank then to wash the dishes one at a time. If you are brave and are unfazed by mysterious substances in the bottom of your glass, then here's another tip off that you've waited to long to do dishes: When you knock over a dish and fruit flies fly out. It's unpleasant. I don't consider myself an unsanitary individual but lets be real, I have forgotten about some dish or other sitting on the corner of my desk and come back to find something I could have lived my whole life without seeing.

2. Don't get fat. Soda, cookies, chips, and pizza are the four food groups in college. I don't remember how many food groups there are normally but in college you live off those four things. So don't get fat. Remember that there are other things to eat then junk food. But again, it's impractical to think that you will be able to avoid those thing completely. So drink Coke Zero; eat cookies in moderation (I recommend dark chocolate for those of us like me who are addicted to chocolate-- less of it satisfies cravings, it has less milk and thus less fat, and it has healthy type things like antioxidants); eat Baked chips or pretzels; and get veggies on your pizza. If you can mix up the variations of dorm food and junk food you will burn out much slower. But burn out will inevitably happen. When this happens I either drink as much Odwalla juice I can cram in my body or I eat Thai food off campus. You're body needs fresh fruit (and veggies as much as my roommate and I might deny it) and protein, so remember that. In cafeterias there is a lot of "mystery meat" meals. So people go for vegetarian options or other alternatives. It's surprising how good it feels to eat good meat when you do-- and that's because your body is deprived of a little thing call protein. So in the end, take care of yourself, the freshman 15 is not an legitimate excuse. Plus when you go home for vacation don't you want to look fabulous in front of all those people you left behind.

3. You are not an adult. Don't pretend like you are one. You are a freshman, you are anything but the big man/woman on campus so don't get big headed now that you are in college. Just because you don't live with you're parents anymore, doesn't mean you know everything. This means a few things. One is that it's okay to be confused, homesick, lost, and dumb. You have every right to freak out. For the rest of your life you will be over compensating for the dumb things you did in college, so enjoy them and don't worry if you fuck up.

4. Make friends. It's pretty self explanatory but don't stop meeting people. Don't get complacent because you feel like you've met your core group in college. You should get out, walk around, go to events, say hi to people, introduce yourself to people.

5. Don't get into a hot tub in your dress no matter how drunk you are. This should be self explanatory.

6. Most likely you are a dinosaur. This rule means nothing and makes no sense, but I'm stalling while I think of something.

7. Keep up with your homework. Seriously. If I'm diligent about my reading in my psych class I have roughly 7 pages a night, sometimes less. But forget a day or skip a weekend, and you can fall behind extremely fast. As my friend says, "finish your homework so in your free time, you can actually have free time." Basically this means, if you are diligent about your work, you will be able to do fun things, and with the added bonus of not feeling guilty that you are behind in your work and aren't doing it. It can be very easy to do your work, or very difficult, and it depends on pacing and focus. Don't study in the dorms with the expectation that you won't be distracted. Roommates, neighbors, friends, music, youtube, facebook, food, your bed, etc are all distractions that are usually limited to your dorm. Find a quiet place, outside or in a library-- although if you live in Seattle like me or think libraries are for pussies/nerds then find a cafe, a mug of coffee and a comfy chair and snuggle up with your text book. Word from the wise though, don't get too warm and comfortable or some texts will lull you to sleep and that is even more embarrassing in public.

I Guess You Had to be There...

Here are some quotes from college. Updates will ensue. (Initials used for anonymity.)

"And I was like *slurp slurp slurp*." - CM

"I was also a leader in my high schools cock eating club." - MC

"No swearing." - NUB
"No uptight bitches!" -duumone

"if you were a penguin I would buy you ice until we got to Antarctica." -KT

"Electricity is for muggles!!" - JK

(Reading milk bottle on October 3rd)"Use by October 1st.... Coollllleeeeggggeeee..." -BM

"It's like whatever." - JK

"Are you sure he's not just an asshole?" - AM

"I'm doing exercises to keep my form. If someones gunna rape me, they are gunna enjoy it." - MC

"You don't need an umbrella. You're in Seattle." - KT

(About alien Porno) "Take me to your hard on." - DR

(In reference to pictures of sea life) "It looks like Mickey mouse." - CM
"Anymore that look like Disney characters?" - DR

"Woah! I'm not supposed to be up here!" - BM

"You can slap my ho" - AM

(Reading Shakespeare)"If thou more murmur'st, I will rend an oak And peg thee in his knotty entrails till Thou hast howl'd away twelve winters." - duumone
"SWOON!!" - BM
"Uhhh, not really a swooning moment..." - duumone

"If your skin is bluish you are an Avatar. There is nothing wrong with yo.u" - BM

"I keep on top of my homework so in my free time I can actually have free time." - CM

"I Threw It On The Ground!!!" - DR

"Bitches be bitchin'." - DR

"Boys boys the wonderful fruit, the more you... Mmmm that might need some work." - BM

"Bieber bulimia." - AM

"You have a beautifully androgynous face." - Random woman

"I'm impressed. And a little bit frightened." - duumone

*Coughing* "it's just- too- juicy" - BM

(To roommate)"I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE!" - duumone

"How weird would it be to date an octopus?" - AM
"He'd be really clingy." - BM

(Being one of the most intimidating professors)"I touched God last night. It was a good night for God." - CD

"It's when... you bake... gooey things... ITS THE OVEN!" - AM

"It is no secret that John Locke is considered one of the founding fathers of modern democrazy." - DS

"I wish I was a kangaroo so I could have a pouch to put my peanut butter in." - BM

"Just Kuwait a second!" - BM

"Drink your odwalla, you'll be fine." - CM

(Running into a wall)"PARKOUR!" - KT

"You dirty pirate hooker!" - DS
"She called me that yesterday don't take it personally." - BM

"What were we talking about? Oh yea-- what the hell?!" - AM

(About ring tone)"ALIENS! It's happening!" - BM

"What the fallopian tubes are you doing?!" - duumone
"What the uterus is going on?!" - BM

"Mandividual." - duumone

‎"That moment was filling enough." - DR

"I krump for Christ." - KT

‎"I'm judging you. I'm judging you RIGHT NOW." - DR

"Judgers be judgin'." - DR

"Cramming on crack." - BM

‎"You loud ass pieces of shit." - CM

"Less jellyfish, more CM." - DR

"I was more afraid of my balls popping out." - CT

"Muthafucka, Godzilla was a girl!" - S

"I think in my head. Where most people think." - DS

"Humans were not meant to solve problems with multiple variables." - DS
"We are single variable people." - AM

"I'm a dinosaur, that's what we do." - DS

"Chubacca writes poetry and snaps like a hipster." - DS

"Have you noticed that all the ugly people in the world host radio talk shows?" - DS

"You better swallow if you want to see me tomorrow." - DS

"Boys do what they want, men do what we want." - DS

"Goddamn marketing ploys get me every time!" - BM

"He's like Mietus, everything he touches turns to gold." - KT

"Poetry has revolutionized my existence. I have faith in the truths they speak." - DS

"I don't know where this is going, but it's gunna be good!" - DS

"This kid with Down syndrome stole my lighter and it's not even racist because it's true." - BM

"Parrots, if I ate them raw, would taste like eggs and blood." - CC

"We have a chef. Chef Dave. He drinks with us. He has three kids." - CC

"There is no purple on a rubix cube because that would be racist." - CC

"You had dibs on him. You practically peed on him." - BM

"So I threw it in the recycling! Not as catchy." - CM

"Lasers remove tattoos, but assholes are forever." -J

"He's like a male angular fish; he attaches to the female." - BM

"She's like herpes, you can't see her but she's there." - KT

"MY date with my knight and shining apron." - BM

"He done swagger the wrong way!" - KT

"Even brick walls have cracks sometimes." - BM
"Don't say that! Our dorm is made of bricks!" - DS

"Leadership skills?? Fuck that!" - BM

"Kiss my beautiful black ass!" - BM
"I feel like I should be the first to tell you, before you offend someone-- you are not black." - DS

"I'm a baleen whale, I'm filter feeding, leave me alone!" - BM

"I might have to take money from you." - CPM
"I don't have any." - DS
"Then I'll have to take your... dignity." - CPM
"I don't really have much of that either." - DS

"You are a glorious, majestic woman crab!" - KT