Green Day Day

Most people have different music for different occasions. You can't listen to the same music all the time. Some days are Michael Buble days and some days are Ozomatli days. Today is a Green Day Day.

I started the day thinking it was a Fitz and the Trantrums day. It wasn't. When I went to the gym I thought it was a Pitbull day. Still not right.

Then. THEN. FUCKING THEN. I realized. It was a fucking Green Day Day.

It's never a good day when it is a Green Day Day. Since the sixth grade, and my parents can attest to this, Green Day Days have been historically angsty and moody.

Today I thought was a good day and up beat day. Secretly, it was an angsty and moody day.

Let me tell you, I don't hate a lot of things. Most things are great. Most things are neutral to positive things. But there are a couple things that rank high on my hate list.

These things cause Green Day Days:

1. Lies
2. Cowardice
3. Germs
4. Public bathrooms
5. Paying for parking
6. Paying for water
7. Chris Isaac

There are a few other things that make the list but my rage has blinded me. And in any case only one thing bothers me today.

Let's talk about cowardice. Hey, I'm a coward. I'm afraid to eat things off of my own kitchen counter (germs). I'm afraid of sitting on public toilet seats. I get it. Some things scare the shit out of me. Dying of a food borne illness is way up there.

And people, some people are scary. I was scared shitless of my choir teacher in high school. I was a total coward when it came to talking to Mr. Toland. And I've had other teachers and bosses that I was wary of.

So, yeah, I can be a coward. I'll admit that right before I say:

I hate cowards.

If you want something, take it. Or at least ask for it. If you want to say something, say it. Or at least clear your throat. If you want someone, tell them. Or at least show it.

If you do not, then two things happen:

1. I deem you a coward
2. I move on

--

I tell my roommate, when she gets rejected by a guy, He's allowed to not like you. It sounds harsh. But it's true.

Several months ago my friend was dating this guy and she told me that she didn't know if she really liked you and I said, You're allowed to not like him. That is absolutely true.

And this GUY-- he's allowed to not like me. I accept that. All he needed to do was say, "Hey, I don't like you." Boom. So easy.

Instead I got radio silence. And through the silence I heard a whisper of a word: Coward.

Look, I'm single. And I'm having trouble accepting that, enough as that is. I was talking to my roommate about this and her response was, Well who is out there that you want?

Good question. It stumped me, because she's right. I can scroll through my phone and I can click through my facebook, and no offense but. Uh. Or, rather, eh.

But then here was my response: I am single involuntarily. If guys were throwing themselves at me, I could say YES or NO. Because I'm allowed to pick.

If it weren't me, I would think it was FUCKING HILARIOUS how often I DON'T get asked out. And every time I say that to someone they're like "NO WAY!". WELL, FUCK YOU. You know how NOT comforting it is to hear, "But you are sooooo funny/pretty/hot/nice/eligible"?? It's absolutely USELESS.

It's great that I'm funny, but clearly NOT ENOUGH. It's great that I'm pretty, but CLEARLY NOT ENOUGH.

Not enough to trump whatever cowardice is in men who meet me.

I don't care how much of a coward you are, admit it, you would ask out Emma Watson in a heart beat. Because she's AMAZING. And you could be shy or inadequate or whatever but you will ask the shit out of her.

I might be amazing. Maybe. I could buy that. But what am I supposed to think when I get no one, for miles around, who even has the slightest inkling of asking me out?

If you are out there in the world and you like someone FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE PLEASE TELL THEM. On behalf of all the people who never get asked out, please ask them out. Because you like them and they are allowed to like you or not like you but you take away that choice when you ignore them.

So here we are. Angsty, moody, single, and looking. Open hearts are often lonely hearts, especially when they are empty.