Leaving Home and Never Looking Back

I was talking to two friends a couple days ago and they both said similar things. One said she was homesick as in she was "sick of her home" and the other said he had basically left home without looking back. I found this to be interesting because that is not how I feel. I am often homesick in the traditional sense and I always look forward to going home for the holidays (two days until Christmas break!). So although I choose Seattle for it's change of pace, I certainly picked Seattle for it's proximity to my home town and for it's other similar characteristics. I imagined I could make a home here, and I am certainly working on it. But going home is always fun and I think positively in regards to my home.

I think it speaks to the quality of my childhood. My parents, who no doubt are reading this, are probably pleased to hear that I think highly of their parenting styles. In many ways I think I would raise a child like my parents raised me. They were reasonable and forgiving as well as compassionate and nurturing. They wanted to give me the opportunities I wanted and that my intelligence allowed. They trusted me, and I think I earned that faith-- it was something we both worked on. And I trusted them. They always tried to be honest, but they also cared about my well being. This fostered both an endearing innocence and practical realism in me.

So there would be no reason for me to want to stray from that environment. There are times where I wish my childhood wasn't quite as awesome as it was. I think it gave me a bit of a peter pan complex-- I have always feared growing up, and straying from what I know, my childhood innocence. I also wish I did have a little more of that need to escape. I want to be adventurous, but when it comes to leaving what I know and love behind I trip on my way.
I suppose I am between a rock and a hard place.

But here's the thing, even though I have this fear of straying from home, I still do it. I have already taken my first steps as a world traveler, exploring France and Italy with my best friend this summer. Not many homebodies like me do that. And even though it was one of the hardest, most intense things I have ever done, I DID it.

And I didn't just go to school somewhere close to home. I left, and I'm going to one of the most prestigious public universities in the nation. I'm not going to the junior college in my town like my grandma wanted. I left my comfort zone to make a name for myself.

And now I'm looking at study abroad programs for junior year. I'm looking at places like Ireland and England and Italy and Greece! And it looks so exciting. Studying a semester or a year in Dublin?? Hell yeah! And so even though I'm scared shitless of having to go to school in another country, I'm going to do it.

Which is awesome. I've learned you can be scared and still DO the things that worry you. Don't be afraid of fear itself. Don't let fear stop you from doing what you want to do. Because I believe what you want to do with your life is the same as what you need to do with your life.

So maybe you can leave home AND look back. Because who you were affects who you are, and who you are will affect who you will be in the future. So embrace that, don't hide it. Look back, maybe you'll realize what you fine isn't so bad after all.