My Platonic Love Letter

My Dearest Kellbow,

I broke our pinky promise. I saw My Ex. And I hate that I hurt you in the process. You and Your Ex are very similar to me and My Ex, and we had made a pact to protect ourselves and each other. I am worried that you were right about not opening the door. But I am worried that if I don't do something I'll be stuck in this emotional limbo forever. 

I wish I could tell you seeing him again was either absolutely amazing and healthy or absolutely awful and miserable. But it seems that I am still caught in this grey area. 

There are several strong emotions swirling around my heart and my head and I can't seem to reconcile them. They range from wishing he and I never met, to he and I still being together, to me being totally over him, to me being just friends, to me sending the mafia to "take care of him". But I can't fit those things together. 

I am so confused. And I can't wrap my head around the situation anymore. Which makes me realize something as I say that. I want the intimacy, I want the support, I want someone who loves me to pull me out of this emotional shit storm. And I thought because My Ex had seen best what I had to go through, he could do that.

He told me he wants to get back together but he's not willing to fight for that. I am still stuck in the same place I was before. I want to be fought for.

So here I am, having been reminded of what I want. I want someone to take care of me. Someone to un-fuck me up. I want someone to fight for me. Just like the Kelly Clarkson song we both love so much. My Ex can't do that for me. And as much as I want him in my life, he will only ever be on the outskirts. Because I can't be consistently reminded of him wanting to be with me, but not bad enough to fight for it. And anyone who won't fight for me isn't worth my time.

And the same for you. You have been hurt over and over, especially by He who shall not be named. And you have wasted your heart on a man who doesn't care enough about you. You need someone, like I do, to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and put them back together again. 

I will fight for you. Die for you. Live and breathe for you. I care for you. 'Cause i will never leave. (notice Kelly Clarkson altered lyrics? ;) ) 

I will be there for you the day that one man comes along that will change your life for the better. And I will be there to see you two fall in love. And I will be there to see you get married. And I will see you grow old together. And we will both be happy again. I promise.

Love,

Keeyore