Kind of jokingly googled "why do men suck" just because it was the first thing that popped into my head, not because I particularly wanted an answer. I got some interesting results, let me tell you. You know there is a mensuck.com? Yeah. Seriously. Well, even though I hadn't been serious about finding what google had to say about the issue, I ended up spending quite a bit of time reading about it. Man, am I NOT bitter. I'm a cock-eyed optimist compared to some of these women out there. Yeah, some of the things--most of them are actually really cliche. But some of these women seem to truly believe these things deep into their core. And I just wanna say, "gurl, who did you in?"
Two sites intrigued me in particular. One was a bunch of one-liners, like jokes, that were pretty funny, I'll be honest. Things like "How do you keep a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head." Things that the cynic in everyone might appreciate, especially if you like the idea of an ex drowning. But, I think about it and really, you could change the line to anything. How do you keep a idiot/slut/bitch/enemy from drowning? It'd still be funny. Another was "What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist." This one, however funny on the surface is actually quite ignorant on two levels. One purely being that I know many, many intelligent American men, and the other being that there are plenty of dumb/sleazy guys in other parts of the world. I don't want to offend anyone, so I won't name any specific places but there are countries known for their cat-calls and the like. We didn't build America on a bunch of idiots. I know that. Plus, half the people here have only been here a couple generations back-- soo... could be reasonable to think that "American" is too loose a term. The last one I'll share with you is this: "Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn." Which I just think is so great. But also... I think your average man can do more than mow the lawn. Like, say, clean the gutters. I believe men fulfill a fundamental role in women's lives-- both emotionally and... house-worky...
The other site, was kind of... disturbing. It was a list of 54 things that were wrong with men. I'm now going to rebut the most ridiculous ones that I don't believe in.
4. Male pattern baldness.
WHAT? They have no control over this!! And, women bald too! Not me of course, I'm far too attractive. Hey, I dated a guy with a receding hair line; I thought it was kinda cute... At the time...
7. Scratch "their stuff" every 15 minutes
Maybe it itches? I don't know if this really qualifies as... like a real reason.
13. They’re hairy
Girl, you were just complaining about their lack of hair! Get yo story straight!
21. They let what their friends have to say impact them so much, it influences the decisions they make about everything
What? And you don't? Friends are everything. They are the dating version of in-laws. You gotta groove with him, but you also gotta fit in his life. If you don't like his friends, or his friends don't like you, or your friends don't like you, how do you think your lives can mesh together? And family is the same way. I don't know if I could date a guy my parents didn't like. Or who my friends didn't like. If I'm going to spend time with a guy dating him, he has to get along with my friends. Everyone has to fit together.
22. When they make you cry they think its funny
This sounds like a preeeeetttyyyy specific situation. I don't know any guy who is sadistic enough just to make me cry for the sake of a laugh. Maybe in elementary school when boys would throw rocks at you and call you stupid. Then they'd laugh when you cried. But... No... Not anymore.
24. MENopause, MENstruation... etc.....
What are you trying to say here? That men are to be blamed for menopause? That menstruation is bad because the word men is in it? That they are called that because men suck? And what is this etc business? What other words that apply ONLY to women start with men? You've lost me.
25. Men think its never the right time to talk about the relationship
That's because they associate the relationship talk with a problem between you. They don't want to think about the problems, they want to think about the nice things, the uncomplicated things. Naive, maybe, but definitely optimistic!
27. Men dont know when you want them to lie
I'm sorry I don't want men to lie... ever... I thought that was a given. Girl, you are twisted if you are thinking men should be lying to you. If you are digging for compliments, then you need to work of some self confidence issues and stop asking your man to LIE. If you ask him if this dress makes your butt look big you should be asking because you actually want to know, and you should actually want an honest response.
28. Break up with you the day before your anniversary
Do they? Always? Huh, I never noticed that. This seems pretty specific to you sweetie.
30. Like making fun of you when you do something wrong, as if they do everything perfectly all the time
See number 22.
31. Think beer, partying, and girls are the best things on earth
Yes, and I think beer, partying, and BOYS are the best things on earth. Besides, ya know, good company, good art, and good food.
35. Believe that women belong in the kitchen
Yeah, if they're from 1954. Welcome to the 21 century ladies and gents! We got equal rights yo!
38. Most guys eat whatever they want and don't gain a pound, its so annoying
Alright, I'll admit that people with fast metabolisms make me jealous, but reason 38 why men suck? Really? There are plenty of fat men, and plenty of skinny women. Don't hate.
42. Their ebonics
...Yeah, if you live in the ghetto. African American English is like... not just a male thing... And it's also pretty specific.
43. Pants are 4 sizes too big
Except in Seattle. Where they are 4 sizes too small.
44. We must not forget their manly tales about stupid stuff they probably never did
You're right.
45. They think a smack on the butt and "you'll get 'em next time" is an appropriate way to end a four year relationship
Preeeetty specific....
46. They think unhooking a woman's bra with one hand is a talent
True. Not a talent. Kind of average. More impressed if they can HOOK a bra with both hands.
51. After making love, they get up and raid the fridge...and the cynics say romance is dead
LAWL. It's exhausting work being a man, I'm sure. Using all that energy lovin' you has GOT to be draining. They need a pick me up.
53. They're all looking for a "nice, funny, smart girl" who just happens to look like Pamela Anderson and has the libido of a rabbit
Yeahhhhh... Maybe..... But.... I don't know I think it'd be nice to have a "nice, funny, smart BOY" who just happens to look like Orlando Bloom and has the libido of a rabbit. It's a fantasy thing. Best of both worlds. No one, at least no one I know goes out as says, "I'm looking for someone really dumb, and boring and please oh please let them be uggglyy!" That would be a weird fantasy. They hope is you get someone who you are attracted to, and trust me, not everyone is attracted to the same people. Some people's ugly might be another's pretty, and visa versa. But you want have to have standards. I want someone funny and lowkey, who likes my energy and is attractive. I go from there, and see what it gets me. It's not shallow, it's just fantasy.
Suffice it to say I had some pretty specific criticisms of the website overall. I think that I am the type of person who is pretty realistic. I'm not in some crazy fantasyland where men wear shining armor and carry around bouquets of flowers to be thrown at pretty girls passing by. But I'm not drowning in cynicism. Romance is alive and well-- at lease I hope and pray it is. I believe in romance like a Catholic believes in the afterlife: It just has to exist. Otherwise... What's the point? Procreation? A flawed, flawed system where human kind continues to take over every crevice of the world? Lust? Where everyone just has meaningless sex all the time? Sounds like short lived pleasure, and a guaranteed way to spread STDs. No, love has to do with it. Love is why we are here. It's what makes us human and not animal. And I hate to remind y'all man-eaters out there, but you are only one half of the human race. You're angry, maybe, because they forgot about you once upon a time and left women on the wayside. Don't do the same to them. Give men the credit they deserve. They aren't bad. Some might be confused, or misguided, but you can't have love without them.
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