I'm in a study group with two freshman boys, and a junior. We meet once a week and talk about the things going on in the class we take together. In case they are reading, I should say men. I'm in a study group with three men. But more on that later.
I am lying in bed write now bone. tired.
I did a lot today, enough that I am definitely fulfilling my resolution to make everyday story-worthy. Which is why, even though I am so dog gone tired, I am writing.
That's what I do. I live. I write. One should not happen without the other.
I. I just spent forty minutes doing the dishes. We have a dishwasher but this is how our kitchen works. We take a dish out, we use it, we put in in the sink, we leave for anywhere for hours to days, then we come back, rinse the dish, put it in the dishwasher, the dishwasher magically re-dirties the dish, we empty the dishwasher and then we wash all the dished. Or. We eat, we wash the one dish. Usually I perform the latter. But I have been so god damn busy lately that, believe it or not, the first has actually been more efficient for me.
II. My back is killing me. You know it actually feels unnatural to walk around without a backpack. It is the second week of the quarter people, I should not feel that way.
III. It was so foggy tonight while I was walking home that I couldn't see anything beyond 20 feet. I took advantage of this by playing music out my phone and dancing and spinning anytime I looked around and didn't see anyone because the fog hid me. It was fun. I need to do stuff like that, be silly. Especially when I am so stressed and busy. I need to take five minutes everyday (at least) to be weird.
IV. I walked to ballard, something I never do even though it is literally a minute away. I still haven't been to Dick's. I think I'm going to have to explore more. It's just so dang cold. That might be what spring and summer quarter will be for. Winter quarter will be for being FUCKING BUSY.
V. Bout to turn 21. I feel like that's enough said.
VI. I am going to Rat City Rollergirls on Saturday. I bought my tickets. So excite.
VII. I am reading the book Nickel and Dimed. I have complex emotions that mostly consist of me being disappointed.
VIII. I got an interview for a job! I haven't done it yet, but the prospect is promising. Like I need something else to do.
IX. Got called lil mamma this week. It was weird, but also a highlight. I know why, too. I mean I know *why* more than like, because he was hitting on me. I know *why* the universe is sending him to me. Universe, I reject that, try again.
X. I'm going to be in a drag show, possibly just by myself because me friends are pussies. I am serious when I say that I feel like I am living life bravely and watching my friends flounder to commit is really frustrating. I mean, it has always been a frustration watching my friends fall off the band wagon while I am driving it. Even in high school. Commit, commit. If not to my ideas, then to your own. I want to do things. I want to go to roller derby and be in a drag show and start a writing organization and go out to a fancy dinner. When I share ideas with my friends its like talking to cows chewing cud. Like, HELLO. ARE YOU THERE? AGREE OR DISAGREE BUT DO SOMETHING. I live life on hot and cold, big, bold colors, loudly. I can't stand the blank stares of non-commitment. The grey expressions that say, lemme get back to you. For once I would like to present an idea to the world and have the world say FUCK YEAH, and then ACTUALLY DO IT. Maybe I just have stupid ideas, but in that case, man up and give me yours.
XI. On a related note I am trying to live my life saying "YES". YES I will give you my number, YES I will do props for Cyrano, YES I will drop everything and go out to dinner. Those are actual things that happened this week. And that's not all of them. I think it's important to know how to say NO. My mom has always struggled with that and I think because I have seen her struggle I have learned how to say NO. But until recently I forgot that saying YES is often braver and more rewarding. Which may be why I am busy but is also why I am more fulfilled. I have been really good at giving that kind of weak and whiny "nooooo..." trailing off into the abyss. Now I say YES. Not yeah, or okay. YES.
XI. I started this venture, blogging, when I was a freshman and I was so into revelations and witty observations. I still want to do that, but I think it's getting harder to do. I have less snark left in me maybe. Or have written down all the sassy things I have to say. More likely, my writing style has changed. I worry that it has become more muted. I see these three guys, men, freshmen, in my study group and I actually don't remember what it is to be there. To compare things to high school or to misunderstand the research required for a term paper. I know I was there. I had a first research project. Now that I mention it, remembering what it was to be in high school is hard. Imagining having 7 classes gives me heart palpitations. The are things I read in high school or freshman year of college that I wonder what I would think if I read them now. I read some very interesting and complex literature, for example, that I doubt if I truly understood the full extent of when I read it then.
XII. In years to come I will laugh or maybe fuss over this period, the things I didn't understand, or thought I understood but was wrong. I thought I had kinda plateaued since I came to college but I really haven't I really really haven't. I understand so much, I have a much bigger sense of compassion, I am braver.
Everyday must have a story. Today I had 12. Probably more if I had more time to think about it. Not bad.
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