Today marks my last week of summer before my last year of college. In one week from this very hour I will be winding down from my last first day of college (undergraduate-- graduate tbd). I will be getting ready to start my first assignment maybe, or reviewing my syllabus perchance.
Most likely I will be breathing into a brown paper bag, crouching under my desk in the fetal position, mascara running down my face as I come to terms with the fact that after 16 years of education, I know relatively nothing.
I'd like to say here and now I have always had the highest quality of education that was offered to me, the University of Washington included. There it is at least, for the record.
But Holy Shitballs, what do I actually *know*?!
Wait, I know this... I know all the things I wrote in this blog, and a helluvalot more that I didn't ever write in this blog.
This blog is a chronicle of all the things I have learned in my first three years of college. And this is it. The final year. The final push. And by the end of it all maybe I'll feel like I know something.
Or maybe I'll graduate this June and end up breathing into a brown paper bag, crouching under my desk in the fetal position, graduation cap slipping backwards off my disheveled head as I come to the realization that I am not in fact ready for the world.
(The cheerleaders in my head tell me that actually it's the world that is not ready for me, but it is a well known fact not to trust voices in your head.)
This year is going to be exciting. In case I haven't told you, this is what I would call a formal announcement. Two things are happening this year that I am especially excited (read neurotic) about. First, I will be studying abroad this winter quarter in Rome. Second, I will be writing a thesis this academic year as a part of the Sociology honors program.
Yes, I will be doing both consecutively. Yes, that's ambitious. Yes, I am confident I will succeed. Yes, the blood is draining out of my face. Yes, I do think I'd like to sit down--is the underneath of that desk available?
I have very high hopes about this upcoming academic year. This next week while I am still in CA enjoying some R&R will be about preparing for the next nine months. It is important to steal time to rejuvenate before big adventures and that is what this new year will be.
I've got three quarters left to do all the things I have ever wanted to do in college. I've got the next three months in Seattle, the middle three months in Rome and the last three months in Seattle. It is now officially time to take college life by the balls.
It's Seattle bucket-list time.
Because let me tell you, once I graduate I am leaving. Oh, no, don't look so sad/surprised/worried. I love Seattle. But I live in Seattle for school. When I graduate I don't have school to keep me in Seattle.
It's time to move on. I've got ants and my pants and it's making me restless.
What're all those college things you need to do one last time before you graduate? What're all those college things you never tried because you thought you had so much time and now that time is gone? What're all those crazy ideas or impulsive notions that you need to do now?
Because this school year, of all the school years I've ever had will probably be the hardest and the busiest. But I also hope that it will be the most fun.
I feel like I keep blinking and when I open my eyes I am so much older than I thought. You blink senior year of high school as you drive to school with your best friend singing along to some top forty hit. Gone. You blink while you are drunk at your first college party and the friend that you met the week earlier is slurring her words as you both pontificate on something you don't even find that interesting. Gone. You blink on the back deck of your then-boyfriend as he laughs and touches your hand. Gone. You blink while you are sitting on the floor of your apartment talking to your roommate for hours and hours about boys. Gone.
All these little moments flash in my mind like a slide projector, my mind whirring with memories. It doesn't feel like slow and steady progress. It feels like a rhythmic jerking from one small moment to the next.
But I cannot stop the forceful movement forward. I am being shoved towards the future, tripping over myself until I can find the right footing.
This year, man. It ought be good.
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