There are some days (especially in Seattle) where you just sit in coffee shops and talk all day. Or if you’re my friend and I, you sit in coffee shops and take photos on Mac photo booth all day. College is a lot of intellectual intercourse, both in and outside of class. College is one of those times in your life where no matter who you are, you are interesting. It doesn’t matter if you wear all orange every day (true story), or dress like a hipster but aren’t actually one, or spend an hour expounding on mitochondria with someone. It doesn’t matter, you are interesting. You are constantly bombarded by stimulating events and people. We are all figuring our shit out, or maybe if you’re lucky you’ve already figured your shit out (but I have my doubts). I mean, I’d like to think I have some sense of self-awareness but that doesn’t mean I can t tell you what I want out of my life. Much less out of my college experience. If you don’t know who you are, like me, then my best advice is to do what makes you happy. Don’t think about what you should do. Work hard in whatever direction you can, and where ever that takes you, it won’t ever be a bad place. I am a freshman after all. I can’t be expected to have all the answers.
If you do in fact know—or think you know—what you want to do when/if you grow up then mazel tov. I can personally think of only a handful who I know who know what they want in life, my roommate being one of them. She loves belugas—to an extent that often is a bit concerning, if not extraordinarily endearing. But besides a slightly obsessive tendency towards anything whale, she knows what she wants to do with her life.
There are plenty however who have no idea what they want, myself included. One of my best friends back home has gone through countless life ambitions ranging from running a fat camp in the Sierra Nevada Mountains to starting a commune in Australia to being a flight attendant. For all intents and purposes it changes daily. Yesterday I found out she got offered an awesome opportunity to study at a really great school and wants to take it. But life ain’t perfect and there are always going to be obstacles. Unfortunately for my friend, she has been blessed with some epic complications. Financial issues and a worry over leaving her awesome boyfriend (among other things) have made her hesitate about jumping for joy about leaving home. If college wasn’t about getting out of your comfort zone I would worry about her. But I’m not worried about her, she has amazing potential, and she will be happy even if it’s a scary prospect to venture forth into the future.
Then there’s me. Ha. My future; I guess it looks pretty bleak given that it has really… nothing planned for it. I think it’d be safe to say that my future is a constant distraction for me. I think A LOT about my life; about what my life is going to be. I want it to be grand. Grand. That’s the best word for it. Big and bold and important and Grand. I want to go places, even if that’s more figuratively then literally. But I feel like you have to find that one thing you are best at. Your calling as it were. I need to find a calling. Then I have to perfect it. That’s like… a lot of pressure for a young person. With millions of life paths, how am I to know which one is best for me? Ack! Is that even possible? I don’t want to waste this one life I have on something half-ass. Something I’m mediocre at, that I like in moderation, and am f.i.n.e. with. I don’t want to be fine. I want to be grand. I throw myself in so many directions, I get lost in a sea of potential. I think and think and think about a thousand things at once but I can’t focus on any one thing; any one goal.
I don’t know what I am. I know what I am not. But knowing what I’m not is only indirectly helpful in figuring out what I am. But I have faith in my ability to fulfill my individual needs. I know myself well enough to take care of myself. I’m independent and I’m not one to give in to pressure. I’m stubborn, I don’t settle, so even if I don’t know what I’ll do yet, I will fight to figure it out. I’m not going to sit back and watch life float by.
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