The Honeymoon is Over

First day of college: Met my roommate, met my neighbors, met some people on other floors, and for the most part my first impressions of the people I would be living with for the next year were positive. 

First week after move in: Met even more people, even people outside of my dorm. Dorm friends becoming closer and a core group is developing.

First month after move in: Finding out peoples quirks, friendships becoming stronger, people understanding each other better.

This week: Shit just went and hit the fan. Nuff said. 

The honeymoon is over. We are all realizing very rapidly that a) we have to live with each other 24/7, b) there is no escape, and c) we all have our differences.  Differences in morals, differences in opinion, differences in background, etc have all come together and exploded like a smoke bomb-- there is no escape from it's reaches. Tension is literally taking over. 

Everyone has taken issue with everyone else, everyone is on everyone else's side, everyone is fed up and frustrated. And people are NOT coping with it well. I am not coping with it well. 

I'm not into drama, but I'm too invested in my relationships with others and their relationships with each other in a way that always drags me into the drama. Today's drama really has nothing to do with me directly but I'm still upset about it. I'm still affected. Because I still have to live with these crazy mutha fuckas. So I'm pissed. 

I'm not used to fighting with my peers. I mean I fought with my two best friends but our love was so intense that I knew i could have sold them into white slavery and I know they'd still love me, and the feeling is mutual. But I didn't fight with peers or with vague friends. And I have no siblings so fighting with peers I have to live with is also a foreign concept. 

Home is supposed to be the place where you escape. It's supposed to feel safe. It's supposed to make you feel... at home. I don't feel that way with these people I met a little over a month ago. I feel like every time I walk into my dorm I have to be on my guard. I wake up self conscious and I go to bed self conscious. I cannot leave my room without feeling secret eyes staring, judging, figuring... 

I want to be home in my parents house so I can not make my bed. So I can burp and no get flushed. So I can put on deodorant without hiding behind my closet door. So I can chill out and watch tv or read with out being questioned or judged. 

I'm a homebody with no home. With no where to go. And I like being solitary and that's never possible. From the time I wake up until the time I go to bed, I am bombarded with people. 

It's been a bad day. A bad few days. I guess that's what happens when the honeymoon is over.